Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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