I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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