We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize