Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
