last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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