toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize