I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
