He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
