my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
