Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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