hotel room ftw
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
