not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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