Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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