I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
