Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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