So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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