somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
