I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
