You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
