called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
