rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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