You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
