New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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