dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
