I wish I could punch you in the face.
I smell stomach acid.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just want nice things and good sex
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
