Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
