babies were throwing up all over the place
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
