More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
