I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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