I just threw up on my dentist
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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