Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
