i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize