I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
