Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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