Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
