My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
