I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize