you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
