Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
