I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
