a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
