Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
