Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
