Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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