Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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