I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I will pee on everything he values.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
