yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
