official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
