Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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