What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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