At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize