weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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