So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
