you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
