My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
