i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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