he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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