$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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