Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My bed smells like the plague
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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