Christians are straight up FREAKS
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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