Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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