Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
