Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
