I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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