are you so shy because you have an std?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
tequila makes me forget i have legs
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize