I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
