We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
