He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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