yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
