I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
