i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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