I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize