I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
