i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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