No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
