You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
