Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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