this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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