I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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