Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
