Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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