omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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