He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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