I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
