I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize